Today marked the ending of two things: my therapy sessions and finals week. In a way, I'm disappointed to see them both go. Yet, at the same time, I have this overwhelming sense of accomplishment and contentment.
After working with my therapist, Dr. Goodwin, for the entire semester, I just have to say that I am amazed at myself for having come such a long way in reshaping who I am as a person. Of course, I can't take credit for all the work. I am blessed to have my b/f and my therapist in my life to help me talk things through and support me when I am in need of support. The both of them truly have my appreciation and gratitude for being there with me every step of the way :D Our last therapy session included a summary of what we accomplished since my first session... It's incredible how far a person can go in so short a time. When I first came to him, I thought alot of my "issues" had been resolved from a previous year spent in therapy... Little did I know that I had yet to discover many more... but I am glad I did because I am a much happier person now than I was before. I'm now able to derive pride and confidence from my own work and my own thoughts - I do not live to make other people feel good - I live to make my life the best it can be. I'm willing to express myself more - even at the cost of another person's approval. I can be around others and not feel threatened by what they think of me because I no longer give them the power to determine my self-worth. I'm now able to break out of seeing situations and their solutions in black and white terms - I'm more open minded about different options and perspectives. Along with that, I'm better able to not jump to conclusions and fulfill self-prophecies with negative self-talk. The way I communicate in relationships has improved greatly, and I feel much more able to take control of my own happiness in life. All in all, I've made great changes and I know that those close to me (as well as myself) are very proud of the person that I've become :D
On a side note, school is over! Now, I can concentrate on enriching my mind with various books and materials and hopefully keep developing my top secret project! I can also resume my workout and practice schedules now that I have extra time to do them! This is going to be a very exciting summer full of lots of growth and fulfillment :)
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Yay!
I don't have breast cancer! :D I went to the doc this morning and she said it's nothing to be worried about :) However, with good news comes bad news... The bad news is that for some weird reason my breast tissue became uber-hard and now I might have to shell out $100 for an ultrasound to find out what is going on... although the silver lining in that cloud is that my breast augmentation fee usually covers a preventive ultrasound ;) The other bad thing is that what I thought was just a scratch on my boob is really ringworm (or some other type of fungus-thing) grooooooooooossssssssssss... But I'm looking at the bright side... I'd rather have "breast worm" than breast cancer ;)
The method to my madness
Okay, so I just wanted a catchy title so you'd read this... :P I just finished completing my theory on learning that incorporates child development research, theories on learning, and music education and wrapped them all up into one nice little package that you can print out. I am currently testing my method personally to work out the kinks. I plan to work with the system for the next 2 weeks on my own and, if all is Kosher, then I will introduce the method to a select few from my studio of violin students and see how they do with it. I feel like a mad scientist... I've been working on this for the past 6 weeks almost obsessively... reading books and articles and talking to various experts in the fields of psychology, sociology, and music education... and I think I have a very sound theory on my hands! :D At least that is what everyone is telling me... ;) Basically, the idea is to make better use of a student's time with their instrument while nurturing the development of life skills. It's actually a Top Secret project. So, I can't divulge too many secrets... I take it that the previous statement was sufficiently vague? ;) However, I will say this... For those of you who care to know, Suzuki was my inspiration for this... except it turned into a whole different ballgame :P I do hope my experiment works out, though. So far, I've found some of the kinks in my plan... but I am confident that with more research and some "field work" in the studio, I'll be able to perfect it! And seeing as how I'm my laziest student... if it works for me, it'll work for anybody! :P
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
B = TC squared
That formula stands for: Brilliance = Thoughts of Chris squared... So, tonite, we had an argument (or as I shall now so affectionately coin them: Buddha Battles) over whether I should get a natural looking boob job or a more fake looking boob job. Yes, lame topic but interesting outcome. Specifics aside, we managed to get through the argument without very much yelling, putting each other down, or using accusational "you" statements... and even when we made a mistake, we politely reminded the other person to mind the other person's feelings... which is a BIG step in the right direction for us. I'm proud of us that we are fighting smarter and bringing about a relationship that involves increasing amounts of trust, respect, openness, and closeness.
There were some things that we discussed that I'd like to share here because they are simply brilliant... First, we all know that no one is perfect, right? However, Chris goes on to say that we can never be absolutely perfect for another person because sometimes, what we need is not what we want, and sometimes, what we want is not what we need. That's an interesting thought... which brings about the next shard of brilliance... Often, we think that if we change something about ourselves that other people will like or appreciate us more. In my case, I felt a more natural boob job would appeal more to my b/f than a fake looking boob job. His response to that was, "Yes, I prefer the more natural looking breasts. However, it's your decision and I don't care what choice you make." To which I responded, "Why don't you care?"
Here's what he said: "If I really thought that a certain type of breast would make me like you more or less, then the real basis of our relationship is how your breasts look. That is to say that how your breasts look would be the predicate of the relationship, meaning that what we have now is nothing and simply a precursor to the start of the "real" relationship which is when you get a natural looking boob job." Sounds basic, but you'd be surprised at how many of us (men and women) don't realize that the ones that love us don't love us for want of our perfection, but for what we already are and, hopefully, continue to be.
So, tonite, I'm giving us both a round of applause because we both fought smart and I think we learned a little more about each other and what is at the foundation of our relationship as well as, for me, reinforced why I think my b/f is simply wonderful... He's brilliant, isn't he? ;)
There were some things that we discussed that I'd like to share here because they are simply brilliant... First, we all know that no one is perfect, right? However, Chris goes on to say that we can never be absolutely perfect for another person because sometimes, what we need is not what we want, and sometimes, what we want is not what we need. That's an interesting thought... which brings about the next shard of brilliance... Often, we think that if we change something about ourselves that other people will like or appreciate us more. In my case, I felt a more natural boob job would appeal more to my b/f than a fake looking boob job. His response to that was, "Yes, I prefer the more natural looking breasts. However, it's your decision and I don't care what choice you make." To which I responded, "Why don't you care?"
Here's what he said: "If I really thought that a certain type of breast would make me like you more or less, then the real basis of our relationship is how your breasts look. That is to say that how your breasts look would be the predicate of the relationship, meaning that what we have now is nothing and simply a precursor to the start of the "real" relationship which is when you get a natural looking boob job." Sounds basic, but you'd be surprised at how many of us (men and women) don't realize that the ones that love us don't love us for want of our perfection, but for what we already are and, hopefully, continue to be.
So, tonite, I'm giving us both a round of applause because we both fought smart and I think we learned a little more about each other and what is at the foundation of our relationship as well as, for me, reinforced why I think my b/f is simply wonderful... He's brilliant, isn't he? ;)
Buddha's Relationship Tips
Buddhists believe that through pain, comes growth. That's basically the old adage of "What won't kill you will only make you stronger". Nature exemplifies this fact by the building and rebuilding of muscle tissue; muscle tissue rebuilds itself stronger after being torn down by strenuous exercise. In this same way, arguments in a relationship can serve as a vehicle for growth by providing pain. Now, maybe inflicting pain on the one you love doesn't sound like such a great idea (and it isn't)... However, if you fight smart, you can avoid the dehabilitating pulled muscle and nurture the art of exercising your emotions.
When I used to argue with my b/f, we'd get in such bad fights that tears and defensive maneuvers were commonplace. In fact, the only way for a fight to cool down was for someone to break down, sobbing. This was definitely not an effective way to argue and took a severe emotional toll on us that included depression and insomnia. The question was then, "What is the real purpose of arguing and how can arguing be done most effectively?" The answer, we would find, was that arguing occurred when both people came to a disagreement in opinion and both people felt a need for that opposing opinion to be heard and recognized. The answer to how arguing could be done most effectively was infinitely more elusive (and remains to be so, although we've come up with a few tips and tricks along the way)
The first thing we learned that is invaluable in arguments is the ability to use "me, myself, and I" statements and the corresponding agreement for your partner to recognize that the way you think and feel is valid (based on a basic mutual respect of intelligence and values). This helps to defeat accusations, condescending "you" statements, and disrespect.
The second thing we learned is that we each have different ways of dealing with pain and sadness. For example, when I'm sad, I want to be immediately reassured that what I say counts and to be taken care of. On the other hand, my b/f likes to have an explanation from the other person when he is upset. So, it's important to know that I need to concentrate on my ability to explain how I'm feeling, whereas he needs to concentrate on his ability to put aside the argument in order to make sure that I feel that I count.
The third thing we learned is that we have similar ways of dealing with things. This is akin to the "golden rule". If we want our opinion to be heard, we must realize that we must be open to hearing other's opinions. If we don't like to be yelled at, then we must be careful not to yell.
The fourth thing we learned is that we're not perfect and even though we're intelligent, we're still liable to make mistakes. So, this involves gentle reminders of things we need to be mindful of when arguing and to have empathy for each other.
These things make a relationship grow by encouraging trust, respect, openness, closeness, and comfort. Each time you argue smart, you embed good argument habits, thus strengthening the overall relationship and how you deal with each other. So, even though conflicting on opinions is a pain sometimes, Buddha certainly had a good idea when he said you can grow from it! ;)
When I used to argue with my b/f, we'd get in such bad fights that tears and defensive maneuvers were commonplace. In fact, the only way for a fight to cool down was for someone to break down, sobbing. This was definitely not an effective way to argue and took a severe emotional toll on us that included depression and insomnia. The question was then, "What is the real purpose of arguing and how can arguing be done most effectively?" The answer, we would find, was that arguing occurred when both people came to a disagreement in opinion and both people felt a need for that opposing opinion to be heard and recognized. The answer to how arguing could be done most effectively was infinitely more elusive (and remains to be so, although we've come up with a few tips and tricks along the way)
The first thing we learned that is invaluable in arguments is the ability to use "me, myself, and I" statements and the corresponding agreement for your partner to recognize that the way you think and feel is valid (based on a basic mutual respect of intelligence and values). This helps to defeat accusations, condescending "you" statements, and disrespect.
The second thing we learned is that we each have different ways of dealing with pain and sadness. For example, when I'm sad, I want to be immediately reassured that what I say counts and to be taken care of. On the other hand, my b/f likes to have an explanation from the other person when he is upset. So, it's important to know that I need to concentrate on my ability to explain how I'm feeling, whereas he needs to concentrate on his ability to put aside the argument in order to make sure that I feel that I count.
The third thing we learned is that we have similar ways of dealing with things. This is akin to the "golden rule". If we want our opinion to be heard, we must realize that we must be open to hearing other's opinions. If we don't like to be yelled at, then we must be careful not to yell.
The fourth thing we learned is that we're not perfect and even though we're intelligent, we're still liable to make mistakes. So, this involves gentle reminders of things we need to be mindful of when arguing and to have empathy for each other.
These things make a relationship grow by encouraging trust, respect, openness, closeness, and comfort. Each time you argue smart, you embed good argument habits, thus strengthening the overall relationship and how you deal with each other. So, even though conflicting on opinions is a pain sometimes, Buddha certainly had a good idea when he said you can grow from it! ;)
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
What I learned at school today...
If there's one thing my creative writing class taught me, it's that academic poetry is so much harder to pull off than your average stream of consciousness, diary poetry. Today, I spent 5 hours writing 3 poems... Now if that's not altogether unproductive, I don't know what is. The worst part is that after I put my semester portfolio together, I still found mistakes... but, I did get them done... and that is all that the Principessa of Procrastination promises ;) Other than that, I'm almost home free when it comes to finals week :D I finished my philosophy final yesterday - Grade projection? A-... I presented my final for creative writing today - Grade projection? Considering absences, a truly deserved B-/C+... I also played my viola jury today - Grade projection? Who knows? I didn't have the last 6 lessons of the semester and my wrist still hurts from today's performance! Most likely an A-/B+... So, that's not so bad! I also found out I passed my upper division writing exam with an 11 (on a scale of 1-12) Only one more final to go... psychology... but I'm not worried, seeing as I have 103% in the class ;) Grade projection? A... So, seeing as I probably got an A-/B+ in orchestra (couple absences) and an A in string pedagogy, I estimate this semester's weighted GPA anywhere between 3.3 and 3.7... which is an average semester grade of B+/A- all around... not bad for someone with a full class load, and 3 jobs... well, 2 jobs now... I got fired from one of them... but that's an entirely different story ;) Oh, I also learned that I'm gonna need to really get my viola chops up before the surgery so I can just let my technique waste away for a couple weeks while I heal... so, not such an interesting blog... except for the fact that this stupid semester is almost over! Oh, and no more poetry writing for me for the next 6 months... I'm poetry'd out :P
Finals week, breast cancer, and a flying monkey...
Welcome to finals week here at CSUN :) As always, I'm doing all of the studying that I should have been doing during the semester, now (as in, the "now" that includes the hour and a half before the exam) However, as the Principessa of Procrastination, I assert my sovereignty by demonstrating the time honored tradition of the 90-minute cram session... and (as is only expected from a daughter of the royal house) I shall ace each respective exam garnering superior marks for my mastery in the areas of philosophy, writing, and psychology ;) But seriously, this is hell for me... I'd have more fun picking skin off my body after a sunburn. But what are you gonna do when the only person you can blame is you? Oh, that's right... blame the system ;) haha Tonite, I took my philosophy final and I'm pretty confident I made it out of the semester with an A-... not a bad trade-off for a study commitment time of around 3 hours! That's like an hour of study time per unit! Aren't CSU's great? ;) Tomorrow, I have my viola jury and my Creative Writing final... wish me luck!
So, I'm freaking out because there's a weird lump in my breast and it's hard... I'm not sure what it is, but I do know that it has been there for awhile... So, leave it to me to assume the worst... breast cancer :( The worst part is that it's happening now (as if there's ever a good time for it to happen?) right when I'm about to go under the knife for my breast augmentation! It's like a cruel trick nature is playing on me... like, "Oh! You thought you were going to make your breasts swell with pride and saline, didn't you? But oh no... We can't have any of that! Instead, we're going to give you breast cancer and further decrease what little breast mass was slopped to you in the first place!" Sigh, nature is a cruel, cruel mistress... I'd really like to slap that bitch ;)
And lastly, I have to include this memory for posterity... I was looking up the secret menu for the In-N-Out Burger (you know, stuff like animal style, protein style, 4x4, etc) and I came across what's called a "Flying Dutchman" - 2 burger patties with 2 slices of melted cheese and nothing else (a great Atkins meal!) So, my sister, Jenni, calls me and we're talking about the lump in my breast and somewhere along the way, I decide to tell her that she should go to In-N-Out and order a Flying Dutchman (since she's on Atkins too) A couple hours later, she calls me back...
Quyen: Hello?
Jenni: Hey. What was that thing you told me to order?
Quyen: From In-N-Out?
Jenni: Yeah.
Quyen: A Flying Dutchman.
Jenni: Oh, yeah. I thought it was a flying monkey or something like that. Okay, thanks. Bye.
So, I'm freaking out because there's a weird lump in my breast and it's hard... I'm not sure what it is, but I do know that it has been there for awhile... So, leave it to me to assume the worst... breast cancer :( The worst part is that it's happening now (as if there's ever a good time for it to happen?) right when I'm about to go under the knife for my breast augmentation! It's like a cruel trick nature is playing on me... like, "Oh! You thought you were going to make your breasts swell with pride and saline, didn't you? But oh no... We can't have any of that! Instead, we're going to give you breast cancer and further decrease what little breast mass was slopped to you in the first place!" Sigh, nature is a cruel, cruel mistress... I'd really like to slap that bitch ;)
And lastly, I have to include this memory for posterity... I was looking up the secret menu for the In-N-Out Burger (you know, stuff like animal style, protein style, 4x4, etc) and I came across what's called a "Flying Dutchman" - 2 burger patties with 2 slices of melted cheese and nothing else (a great Atkins meal!) So, my sister, Jenni, calls me and we're talking about the lump in my breast and somewhere along the way, I decide to tell her that she should go to In-N-Out and order a Flying Dutchman (since she's on Atkins too) A couple hours later, she calls me back...
Quyen: Hello?
Jenni: Hey. What was that thing you told me to order?
Quyen: From In-N-Out?
Jenni: Yeah.
Quyen: A Flying Dutchman.
Jenni: Oh, yeah. I thought it was a flying monkey or something like that. Okay, thanks. Bye.
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