I just got back one of my papers for ANTH 315 - 3rd World Cultures... I got a C+ on it! >:/ I've never gotten a C on a paper before! I tried really hard on those set of essays too! Because of this grade, I've lost 2% of my total grade already! There go my hopes for getting a high GPA this semester... and I really wanted to be on the Dean's List again too... :(
I swear he didn't even really read it! He didn't give me full credit for grammar and mechanics... I tutor kids in how to write essays... and let me tell you... I know grammar and mechanics... in fact, they nicknamed me the "comma momma" in my composition class! Anyway, if I don't get at least a B+ on this next set of papers, then I'm going to make an appointment with him and ask him how I could have gotten a better grade. grrrrrr... freaking anthropology >:/
Thursday, September 9, 2004
Wednesday, September 8, 2004
Work
I started work this week and it's been a great assist to helping me not go crazy. Yesterday was the most exhausting day I've had in a long time: I woke up @ 8:30am, went to class from 9:30-10:45, went to work from 11-12:30, got home at 12:40 to scarf down lunch only to leave for class at 12:45, orchestra from 1-3, practiced from 3-5, viola lesson from 5:15-6:15, home by 6:30, ate a quick dinner and printed out my paper in 15 minutes, just enough time to get to my psych class from 7-10, got home, got in a fight, took a shower, resolved a conflict and watched a couple episodes of Ranma, sleep...
Anyway, back to my point... helping kids go through the thinking process and come up with better strategies to write and brainstorm their ideas on paper is very rewarding. I like being able to be a part of the epiphany that takes place. The way they are learning is a hands-on representation of all the crap I put myself through in order to succeed in my classes. Everyday, I challenge myself by learning, step-by-step, and coming to an epiphany about any number of subjects. It's like I see a little bit of myself in these kids. It's a really nice feeling that I'm making myself available to them, and as an added bonus, I get to see them progress throughout the year, like a classroom teacher. I feel that I'm more than a tutor; I'm a mentor :)
Anyway, back to my point... helping kids go through the thinking process and come up with better strategies to write and brainstorm their ideas on paper is very rewarding. I like being able to be a part of the epiphany that takes place. The way they are learning is a hands-on representation of all the crap I put myself through in order to succeed in my classes. Everyday, I challenge myself by learning, step-by-step, and coming to an epiphany about any number of subjects. It's like I see a little bit of myself in these kids. It's a really nice feeling that I'm making myself available to them, and as an added bonus, I get to see them progress throughout the year, like a classroom teacher. I feel that I'm more than a tutor; I'm a mentor :)
Tuesday, September 7, 2004
Floridians
Thinking of my friends... with all the hurricane trouble in Florida right now, I hope Adam, Brian, the other Brian, and everyone else that is going through this dangerous and upsetting time are safe right now. If you guys are reading this, please comment and let me know you're okay. I hope everyone is okay.
In times of pain, I'll tend your wounds.
In times of chaos, I'll give you solace.
In times of loss, I'll offer myself.
I'll be thinking of you all.
In times of pain, I'll tend your wounds.
In times of chaos, I'll give you solace.
In times of loss, I'll offer myself.
I'll be thinking of you all.
Sunday, September 5, 2004
Tractor Trouble
So, I was driving to a studio gig today and I totally got lost because I got bad directions from the composer. I'm going the opposite direction of where I should be headed and it turns into this long stretch of 2-lane freeway. I'm driving down this thing wondering if I should turn around and cut my losses. But, lo and behold, there is no shoulder to stop at and there is a long train of cars riding my bumper behind me. So, I keep driving. I keep seeing signs that basically tell me to 'keep going and you'll eventually get to where you need to be' - some place called Fillmore - more importantly, a place with freeway junctions. One thing leads to another, and I end up driving this long, windy, precarious road in the mountains. One false move and I'm in the canyon below. I hate roads like that. It reminds me of going to see my ex in Arrowhead.
So, here I am: driving 15 mph down a scary canyon/mountain 2-lane freeway with a bevy of angry white people driving behind me and civilization is nowhere to be found. I get down to sea level and I'm driving past these farms and plantations. I swear I see one for cotton. In the distance, I see a town of some sort. Finally! Maybe I can get directions here, I think to myself. There is a sign telling me to turn right to take the 126. Where the hell is the 126???
I decide to park at a gas station to ask for directions. I go inside and everyone is white. Now, this is not reverse racism, but they all looked like they wanted to lynch me cuz I was asian. I think the old woman in the corner was seriously debating whether she should make a coat out of me or just press me to death with boards. After I get some clues of how to get to where I need to be, I step outside and see something glimmer in the corner of my eye. I look over and there is a tractor just driving on the street like it's nobody's business. A man in a straw hat and overalls driving a tractor, stopped at a stoplight, with other cars behind it...
So, here I am: driving 15 mph down a scary canyon/mountain 2-lane freeway with a bevy of angry white people driving behind me and civilization is nowhere to be found. I get down to sea level and I'm driving past these farms and plantations. I swear I see one for cotton. In the distance, I see a town of some sort. Finally! Maybe I can get directions here, I think to myself. There is a sign telling me to turn right to take the 126. Where the hell is the 126???
I decide to park at a gas station to ask for directions. I go inside and everyone is white. Now, this is not reverse racism, but they all looked like they wanted to lynch me cuz I was asian. I think the old woman in the corner was seriously debating whether she should make a coat out of me or just press me to death with boards. After I get some clues of how to get to where I need to be, I step outside and see something glimmer in the corner of my eye. I look over and there is a tractor just driving on the street like it's nobody's business. A man in a straw hat and overalls driving a tractor, stopped at a stoplight, with other cars behind it...
Saturday, September 4, 2004
"Bach" in Time
I'm sitting here waiting for my cheesy garlic bread to finish baking in the oven and listening to Bach's 4th cello suite. Baroque music always makes my mind drift. I start to envision scenes from 'Tous les Matins du Monde' as they both meld with and phase in and out of reality:
The room is swimming in the soft warmth of candlelight. Shadows run across the clay walls as the lit tallow makes its way to the end of the room, faithfully lighting the way ahead while drowning all else in dark solace. The sound of gentle footsteps as they retreat into the hushed night lingers just above the wooden floorboards.
The smells of the daily bread drift in the moist air, heavy and sweet, like roasted seeds. The hearth-fires have dimmed, leaving cold ashes in the pit. The flame shines off the knives that rest on the cutting slab. The love that is imparted into the food is reflected back. The light leaves. The kettle hanging above the pit begins to gray and darken; this room, too, is left in quiet as the beacon makes its way forward.
The room is swimming in the soft warmth of candlelight. Shadows run across the clay walls as the lit tallow makes its way to the end of the room, faithfully lighting the way ahead while drowning all else in dark solace. The sound of gentle footsteps as they retreat into the hushed night lingers just above the wooden floorboards.
The smells of the daily bread drift in the moist air, heavy and sweet, like roasted seeds. The hearth-fires have dimmed, leaving cold ashes in the pit. The flame shines off the knives that rest on the cutting slab. The love that is imparted into the food is reflected back. The light leaves. The kettle hanging above the pit begins to gray and darken; this room, too, is left in quiet as the beacon makes its way forward.
Friday, September 3, 2004
Talent
Last night, I stayed up till 1am reading the blogs of hardcore classical musicians. All they wrote about was this competition and that recital and that concert and this practice session. I was impressed that they had such a deep love and commitment to their music making. It really was profound to read what they wrote and how they felt about their daily progress as musicians. They played music, they went to see music, they talked to musicians, they read books about music... everything in their lives consisted of music.
I even read one violist's blog about how she felt the need to sacrifice other hopes and dreams she wanted out of life in order to pursue the viola... how she thought that dying, unmarried, was a worthwhile sacrifice, as were her dreams of taking dance lessons... So much to give up about yourself in order to throw all of who you are into one venture. I'm resigned to say that I don't have that kind of dedication.
Even though I identify myself with viola playing, there are other things about me besides music. I've developed my compassion enough to serve as a suicide counselor. Along with my gay and lesbian friends, I've succeeded as a leader and visionary to form "Gay-Straight Alliances" at high schools all across San Diego County. I've won 1st place at both State and National Viola Competitions in 1999 & 2000. I've been soloist with several orchestras. I've succeeded as an entrepreneur in starting my own orchestral contracting business. I'm a published poet. I'm an SAT tutor for Kaplan and a writing consultant. I like to snowboard. I like to cook. I love to dance. There are so many things about me besides my music. So many other talents I have that are applicable in almost any area of life I wish to pursue. I'm a counselor, a confidante, an activist, a leader, a star, an entrepreneur, a teacher, an athlete, a writer, a caregiver, a friend, a role model... And so, I come to realize that my true talent isn't in music. No... my true talent lies within the capacity of both my mind and my heart. I know that whatever I choose to do in life, I'll be successful. Whatever I choose to do in life, I'll do it well.
I even read one violist's blog about how she felt the need to sacrifice other hopes and dreams she wanted out of life in order to pursue the viola... how she thought that dying, unmarried, was a worthwhile sacrifice, as were her dreams of taking dance lessons... So much to give up about yourself in order to throw all of who you are into one venture. I'm resigned to say that I don't have that kind of dedication.
Even though I identify myself with viola playing, there are other things about me besides music. I've developed my compassion enough to serve as a suicide counselor. Along with my gay and lesbian friends, I've succeeded as a leader and visionary to form "Gay-Straight Alliances" at high schools all across San Diego County. I've won 1st place at both State and National Viola Competitions in 1999 & 2000. I've been soloist with several orchestras. I've succeeded as an entrepreneur in starting my own orchestral contracting business. I'm a published poet. I'm an SAT tutor for Kaplan and a writing consultant. I like to snowboard. I like to cook. I love to dance. There are so many things about me besides my music. So many other talents I have that are applicable in almost any area of life I wish to pursue. I'm a counselor, a confidante, an activist, a leader, a star, an entrepreneur, a teacher, an athlete, a writer, a caregiver, a friend, a role model... And so, I come to realize that my true talent isn't in music. No... my true talent lies within the capacity of both my mind and my heart. I know that whatever I choose to do in life, I'll be successful. Whatever I choose to do in life, I'll do it well.
Thursday, September 2, 2004
Exhausted
15 pages of essays and 300 pages later, I'm sitting here, exhausted. It's only the second week of school and already I'm so tired. I can't believe how much work I've already done. And really, getting through a 3-hour lecture on Third World Cultures on a Thursday nite is a freaking test of mental willpower and strength. I'm sleepy. I'm hungry. I just want to relax. Good thing that all I have to do from here on out is attend a work meeting, practice viola, and read a 200 page book so I can start on a 10 page paper that's due Tuesday. School will be the death of me... or at least my sex appeal haha
I promise to write a more interesting blog over the weekend, once I've had a chance to relax and recuperate. But right now, my pillow b/f is asking me to come lay with him in bed... sweet dreams ;)
I promise to write a more interesting blog over the weekend, once I've had a chance to relax and recuperate. But right now, my pillow b/f is asking me to come lay with him in bed... sweet dreams ;)
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