A lot has happened since I was that age. I grew up, lived some life, opened my eyes, and realized that my mother was not a god, but was, in fact, a very flawed mortal. She never trusted anyone but herself, saw no purpose for friendship and community, would betray you at the drop of a dime, and was a very selfish human being overall. There was even a point at which I decided to stop communicating with her completely as I saw her as an "evil organization" - one which limited my human potential.
Fast forward to today, and you'll find she has tenuous relationships with both of my older sisters (it's like we're an on-again, off-again family :P), leaving me as the only one to live in the family home, helping to pay the mortgage. However, the only thing I find myself wanting to do is move out.
My mother is self-employed (like myself), and runs her own business with its own long-time client base. But lately, she hasn't been going to work because she "doesn't feel like it". Instead, she's been partying with her friends, coming home late, drinking, bringing home random men - it's all just so gross! Combine that with the fact that she just cooks and eats and leaves her dishes everywhere... It's too much to take when I work so hard.
She may not speak English well enough to know what the word "enabling" means, but if I could figure out how to say the same word in Vietnamese, I'd walk right into her room right now and say, "Mom, I can't do this anymore. I'm 'chingchongchang'ing you to skip work and be ridiculous with your life by helping pay the mortgage on this house." Yeah, it would go something like that :P
Anyway, this has seriously got to stop. My sisters say I should have jumped ship a long time ago, but how can I abandon my own mother? She has helped me for so long. Isn't it time I help her? Or do I owe it to myself (and my sanity) to do what's right for my life? I feel so stuck... Oh! And for the record, I hope someone puts me out of my misery before I have a chance to get old and ridiculous ;)
